MEALS 4 MEN cinque

Party Edition.  Asda's Smart Price vegetarian microwave large Yorkshire pudding for one & a can of Stella Artois Lager Beer...Actually at a party, extreme cuisine - making the best first impressions...

PISSED JEANS By ROGER FROM THE CRYPT.

Well, Well, Well, three ugly mugs and a monumental prick.  THE BEST LINE UP FOR A BAND.  4.5/5 

OOOOOOOOOOFT! FRANCIS TASTIC

This is a humdinger of a site yesiree!

DIRTY LITTLE SLOTS

I LIKE READING, COURSE I DO I'M A GROWN UP, ARE YOU A GROWN UP? I'M A GROWN UP, YOU'RE NOT A GROWN UP, WHEN ARE WE EVER FULLY GROWN? FERRERO ROCKER.

Wish my Dad knew how to use a computer or cared enough to write stories i could read when i'm his age.  Maybe he has and it'll be a pleasant surprise one day... rather that than a secret stash of nazi memrobelia or worse...

WEE DADDY McLUDGIE

WHAAAA?!?!?!! THEY'RE PUTTING MUSIC IN CONSOLE COMPUTER GAMES AND TELEVISION TALK SHOWS? By JACKSON BOLLOCK

Oh hey fellow scene-ster... You watch TV don't you? Of course you do.. I have done some deep research (used a search engine) and found out the name of the song on that new advert everyone's talking about.   It's the epic prog rock sounding Tame Impala 'Elephant'. Now this song is very catchy by the way, but it alone won't save the phone company it's advertising from going under in the near future.  But it does continue the tradition of indie bands who have slipped under most people's radars getting a little attention.  Also check out 'Half Full Glass of Wine' not bad, but most of their stuff belongs in the decade of which it is very heavily influenced.  Some of it sounds like Death from Above 1979, if they slipped into a time warp and emerged all pissed off with the bourgeois establishment or whatever movies have lied to me about what the 60's and 70's stood for. Cos I don't know what the fuck they were all rebelling against or trying to say... Most of the art and music sounds and looks shit to me.  You can tell my Dad played far too much early Genesis in our car when I was growing up...

It's wet outside as I'm sure you've noticed, so like many sad people I have retired to the sofa with an Xbox controller in hand... after playing Fifa 13 for a bit, I noticed some of the background tunes were ear achingly awful... Wretch 32's Blur makes me sad I have an ear canal... seriously, check out the lyrics... The man deserves to have his thumbs drop off so he can't write poison like it again.  That aside there are some bright spots in the smog cloud of shit.  And like in the past, apart from the obvious Kasabian tunes, the latest Fifa game can be a showcase for bands to get played to millions of people, mostly angry boys who spend their time swearing at polygons.

Just take a look at some of the bands who have been introduced to these sweary youths; Crystal Castles and Robert Smith 'Not in Love', Naked and Famous 'Punching in a dream', TV on the Radio, The Vaccines, Group Love, Glasvegas, Two Door Cinema Club and many more.

One last strange modern avenue to getting yourself heard I encountered recently was the Sunday Brunch Playlist.  Highlights from this edition include Stepdad 'Jungles' which is a heavy synth pop fronted by someone who despite looking like he owns a big van with the back lined with tarpaulin, has the most surprising voice.  It's very similar to TV on the Radio, but a bit more dainty... which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  This and Metric 'Speed the Collapse' are the stand out tunes whilst nods should also go to Presets 'Ghosts', Bloc Party 'We are not good people' and even the weird pairing of Gerad Way & Deadmau5 'Professional Griefers' is pretty good.

 

 

Sunday brunch is hangover TV at it's finest. Food, random human interest stories, music and comedy guests and all manner of people flogging some kind of wares. Now first off, the bands who do appear are hardly up and coming, the producers obviously play safe bets and book bands or 'artists' who some people of heard of.

 

A couple of week's ago it was the Courteeners (remember them?) plugging a third album and just generally being the working class heroes they are. But the interesting thing about Sunday Brunch is in and out of the ad breaks are snippets of new music. Some established acts but the majority are new bands middle England do not know exists Like 6 Music for the souls who have dragged their carcasses out of bed on a Sunday morning and want some motivation to cook breakfast.  

Usually its an eclectic mix of boring indie, freaky avant garde pop and established acts who are stuck in creative ruts...This is a couple of weeks ago but Frightened Rabbit 'The Woodpile' - haunting and soulful, Polica 'Dark Star' - fashionable, Ellie Goulding style pop represent the new.  The old are well represented with new tracks from Pearl Jam, Jonny Marr and the new David Bowie track which has caused such a fuss 'cos some sacrilegious folk has dared to say it's a bit shit...oh by the way, have you heard the new Bowie track? Yes it is a bit shit isn't it??

 

But the real reason I wrote this was because of Idles 'Thieves' - Great song, even better facial hair... oh, and because I wanted to say that Tim Lovejoy's smug face fucks me off.. Pull curtain, fade to black..

 

 

MEALS 4 MEN quattro

Here at Meals 4 Men nothing gets us all worked up like a fully functioning, behemoth of a cheese grater...

MMM K WEST'S WANK WAREHOUSE ~ METHERA

Brian Sucks Cox! Ouch, burn, whatever, he's just so nice! and I hate his GCSE science t.v show where I feel like asking Sir if this will be on the exam! Stop being so fucking nice Brian! Stop Smiling at EVERYTHING. Has he never had a bad day? Did his pet rabbit not die of tragic circumstances when he was a child? Has he never had wankst? Everything is just perfect all the time for Dr. Dick isn't it? Stop being so fucking nice! Spit in the streets, call your girlfriend a whore, stop shutting your eyes and turning off the lights during a fuck and actually learn to fuck, Brian! There is no Elvis Presley at all in Brian fucking Cox
Wet knicker rating: 0.1/5

IT'S HAPPENING..HE'S CHANGING...FOR THE BETTER!

Viernes 21 Diciembre

 

Noche

I´m loving how the animals differ in behaviour, especially at close quarters around the hacienda. The pollos are feistier, the pajaros often sleeker, there are lizards living in the sun-baked stone walls, and Che makes a hammock of the canvas bathroom ceiling, where the perros can´t reach. Seeing how they interact with the hacienda - their unnatural habitat - reminds me of how much they make the most of the present, and how much of an asset that is.

Los perros son perros though, and the perritos are typically cute - siblings of the same litter, but already their nascent natures are defining. The tan one is the more benign, and the black one more aggressive, always getting into trouble.

Bodi, el perro hombre, gritas en la noche…

THE BEST MEN ON CHANNEL 4 IN RECENT TIMES. Samuel Witch.

Brendan from Coach Trip, you are less than scum if Brendan doesn't like you.  He teeters on bitchy but that could be his accent.  He's always up for a laugh and i don't think you can find a better person to be stuck on a coach with for eight hours at a time.  A true tea time TV treat. 

Jeffrey from Four Rooms, a no nonsense cockerney dealah.  He's smelt all the bullshit you're trying to serve him before.  He's also come up with my personal fave catchphrase - "Are you a gambling man?" - and always after a kiss from the ladies.  He may not be everybody's cup of chai but I like him, not over the moon about his dedication to the scarf however, but hey, bet there's plenty he dislikes about me and i bet one of those scarfs equates to my monthly... nae annual salary.

Mark from The Hotel, there's some people in the world that are so dateless but just all round nice you can't help but like.  Marky boy here is a prime exhibit.  He's absolutely useless and a bit of a burke but the way he is with his customers is second to none.  He has no judge of character and employs fucktards, but it's only because he can only see the good in them. he's just a bloody nice bloke.  I really like his hair, and blazers on unfashionable men are beyond amazing.       

GOD'S THE NAME INVENTING FACES IS THE GAME. FERRERO ROCKER.

This joke from the hairy-forearmed-one came into mind when I found this site.

YOUR FACE!

MMM K WEST'S WANK WAREHOUSE ~ TAN

I may be trouble but I'm not that bad really. I bring home the bacon, and manage to keep my drug use a secret from family and "friends" but I wish that I had been born as a New York Jewish princess with red hair and made some cool films then fucked it all off for the needle and the damage done. Some of you (the ones above the age of fifteen) may have heard of Natasha Lyonne, okay, she was the sassy one in the first American Pie that actually knew how to fuck, but don't let that put you off. She's as bad as they come. Here is an entry from my wank bank, and my favourite drugged up actress gone wild (Lindsey Lohan doesn't count because she is in no way whatsoever attractive)
Wet Knicker rating: 3/5

MEALS 4 MEN tre

 

Student Edition.  BBQ Beef super noodles, chilli relish and quorn hot dog taco with a side of garlic dough balls and a massive near-frozen Heineken Lager Beer.